What Mah-Jong Taught Me About Leadership, Self-Trust, and the Power of Play
The last two Sundays, I found myself sitting under a white tent at Marin Country Mart, around a giant picnic table, learning how to play Chinese mah-jong.
I expected to be confused (I was). I didn’t expect to be so... moved.
As a leadership coach and small business owner, I’m always looking at life through the lens of personal growth—and this game, rich in rhythm, strategy, and unexpected wisdom, handed me a few lessons I won’t forget.
Here’s what I learned:
🀄️Lesson 1: You Deal to Yourself First
Before you serve anyone else at the table, you deal to yourself. That’s the rule.
Our instructor said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world—and I felt it like a thump in my chest.
Serve yourself first.
So you’re resourced.
So you’re grounded.
So you can lead.
I’ve heard versions of this before (cue: “Put on your oxygen mask first”), but learning it through the flow of a game made it click differently.
It wasn’t selfish. It was systemic. It was simply how the game works.
And maybe, it’s how real leadership works too.
🀄️Lesson 2: Leadership is Part Luck, Mostly Pattern Recognition
Mah-jong is chaos at first. Tiles everywhere. Hands you don’t understand. A rhythm you’re not in yet.
But if you stay curious and present, you begin to see what fits. You stop trying to force a win and start working with the hand you have.
You start seeing patterns. You adapt.
Sound familiar?
That’s leadership.
Not rigid planning—but pattern recognition.
Not controlling every variable—but responding to what’s true now, not what you hoped it would be.
This applies to business, team dynamics, even creative projects. Leadership isn’t just vision—it’s the skill of noticing.
🀄️Lesson 3: Play is Sacred
Mah-jong reminded me of the card games I played as a kid—spite and malice, spades, gin rummy—those slow afternoons where time stretched and laughter tucked itself between the rounds.
It reminded me that play isn’t frivolous.
It’s connective.
Restorative.
Sometimes, when you’re stuck or scattered, play is the exact right next move.
Especially in small business and creative work, play gives your brain room to breathe—and solutions tend to arrive when you're not gripping so tightly.
Tiny Leadership Tip:
If your week feels chaotic or unclear, pause and ask:
What do I know for sure right now?
That’s your pattern.
That’s your hand.
Start there.
You don’t have to play every tile at once.
Want Coaching Support This Fall?
I’ve got 3 coaching spots open this fall for folks who are ready to:
Untangle the chaos
Name their next brave move
Lead in a way that actually feels like them
If that sounds like you, reply to this post or reach out directly. Let’s talk.
Thanks for reading. I’m so glad you’re here.
—Kate