Leadership Lessons from a Blue Colored Pencil: The Difference Between Consequences and Punishment
The other day, my daughter Zoey came home from school, eyes wide and serious.
“Mama,” she said, “something bad happened in Chickadee today.”
I leaned in. “Tell me,” I said.
“Someone scribbled all over the bathroom floor with a blue colored pencil. And Ashley asked for the person who did it to take responsibility, but no one did. So now we can’t use the community colored pencils. And if no one tells the truth by tomorrow, she’s taking away our sketch pencils, too. We’ll only have regular pencils to write with.”
“Oh, man,” I said, trying to stay neutral — but I’ll admit, it felt a little harsh.
Zoey didn’t flinch. She just shrugged and said, “That’s consequences, Mama.”
She was right.
Accountability Isn’t About Punishment — It’s About Integrity
In Zoey’s class (called Chickadee), honesty and integrity are core values. Mistakes happen — and no one is punished for them. But there are consequences for choices that break trust.
That distinction between punishment and consequence is one many leaders struggle with.
Punishment is about control.
Consequence is about connection.
Punishment says: “You did something wrong, and I need to make you feel that.”
Consequence says: “This action disrupted something we care about, and we need to repair it.”
One is about power. The other is about partnership.
Why Leaders Struggle with Accountability
Leaders who “come down too hard” often act from frustration or fear — fear of losing control, fear that people won’t take things seriously.
Leaders who avoid accountability altogether act from fear too — fear of conflict, fear of being “mean,” fear of damaging morale.
Both approaches miss the point.
Accountability isn’t about blame or comfort. It’s about integrity and protecting what your team values most.
The Montessori Move: What Zoey’s Teacher Got Right
What Zoey’s teacher, Ashley, modeled in that moment was brilliant in its simplicity.
The consequence was:
Connected: The pencils were the tool misused.
Consistent: Applied to the whole community since no one took ownership.
Compassionate: No shaming, just a clear cause and effect.
In leadership terms:
A connected consequence aligns with the behavior (missed deadlines might mean shifting responsibilities, not public scolding).
A consistent consequence removes favoritism and emotion from the equation.
A compassionate consequence keeps the door open for repair and learning.
Consequences should always teach, not wound.
Tiny Leadership Tip
We put so much pressure on ourselves as leaders to “know.” We think we need the plan, the answer, the perfect response in the moment.
But here’s the truth: Wisdom doesn’t come from certainty — it comes from the willingness to admit what you don’t know and lead from there.
When someone on your team drops the ball, ask yourself:
Am I seeking to control or to connect?
To correct or to restore?
To shame or to strengthen?
Because the goal of accountability isn’t punishment. It’s about protecting your culture, values, and trust in one another.
Sometimes that means hard conversations. Sometimes it means limits. Always, it means believing people can handle the truth — and grow from it.
A Little Nudge for Leaders
If you’re a leader who avoids accountability because you hate conflict, start small. Practice linking cause and effect, calmly and clearly.
If you tend to “lay down the law,” pause first.
Ask: What does repair look like here?
Because as it turns out, even the Chickadees know:
Consequences aren’t punishment.
They’re how a community holds its integrity — one blue colored pencil at a time.
— Kate