The Real Wisdom of Turning 45: Leadership Lessons in Uncertainty and Honesty
I turned 45 last Friday.
I’ve always been one of those people who celebrates their entire birthday month—no shame about it. I’ve never minded getting older. In fact, each birthday has felt like earning a new stripe, a new badge of experience.
And with each new stripe, I expected wisdom to follow. Some deeper knowing. Some internal compass that would click into place.
But at 45? I still don’t know.
Sure, the signs of midlife are there: knees clicking on the stairs, holding a book at arm’s length just to read the words, forgetting to run the dishwasher—again. But what really catches me off guard isn’t the physical changes. It’s realizing that even now, I’m still flying by the seat of my pants.
I still lose hours to Instagram scroll holes. I lose my cool when Sam drops a fresh pizza slice and spills his lemonade—$20 gone in 5 minutes. I still get nervous before hard conversations with clients. I second-guess saying no to the PTA snack list or the next volunteer commitment, because some part of me still worries people won’t like me if I don’t show up.
And the kicker? The “older and wiser” folks I used to look up to? They’re making it up too.
So maybe that’s the real gift of aging—not certainty, but the ability to embrace uncertainty.
To stop waiting for wisdom to arrive fully formed, and instead, to see that fumbling, experimenting, and course-correcting is the wisdom.
If I’ve learned anything at 45, it’s this: Wisdom isn’t about knowing. It’s about being honest enough to admit that you don’t.
In parenting, in leadership, in the whole messy business of being human.
Tiny Leadership Tip: Embrace Honest Uncertainty
We put so much pressure on ourselves as leaders to know—to have the right answers, the clear plan, the instant solution. But the truth is: wisdom doesn’t come from certainty. It comes from being willing to admit what you don’t know, and leading from that place.
This week, try:
1. Name what you don’t know
In your next meeting, say: “Here’s what I know, and here’s what I’m still figuring out.” Watch what happens when you open space for honesty.
2. Normalize the fumble
When mistakes happen—yours or someone else’s—say: “Looks like we’re still learning. What do we want to try differently next time?”
3. Trade wisdom for presence
Instead of forcing answers, ask powerful questions like:
“What feels most important here?” or “What do you need from me right now?”
Your team doesn’t need your certainty. They need your presence. Your curiosity. Your willingness to lead in the middle of the mess.
If you’re navigating a season where you feel like you should “know,” but you don’t—take heart. You’re not alone.
The real wisdom is in your willingness to be real.
P.S. One Coaching Spot Left This Fall
If you’re craving support while leading through uncertainty—in parenting, work, or life’s messy middle—I’ve got one coaching spot left for the fall. Let’s figure it out together.
— Kate